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littleblue
Depression: A small hollow in the landscape
Many people seem to blog about how depressed they are, Although I am sympathetic to how horrible it is to be sad, and want you all to remember that if you were never sad you wouldn't recognise happiness. I wish everyone happiness.

There is a big difference between depression and the blues.

Depression is an illness and funnily enough sadness isn't really the biggest factor, also it cannot be controlled by will alone, as this is one of the first things to go when suffering a depressive episode, one really can't just snap out of it.

The word gets thrown around a little too much and belittles the horrible disease it actually stands for. I have bi-polar disorder (manic-depression) and after a bout of mania (which I'll describe one day, this can be fun though a little crazy) I tend to fall or should I say dive into depression. The best way to describe it is total numbness, pure existence, not life. when it hit's it lasts for a minimum of two weeks but that is rare and a person may take months to recover. The first thing to go is drive, Most people find it impossible to get out of bed, then the senses start to wane, taste and smell vanish and sensitivity to light and sound is very common on the other side of the spectrum when your senses do work they're warped, bad smells abound, bad tastes are the only one's present which makes it even harder to eat, you'll find that most people suffering from the blues binge or comfort eat depressed people tend to lose ridiculous amounts of weight, even chewing is difficult.

Conversation becomes impossible because nothing makes sense and you can't be bothered breathing let alone talking. personal Hygiene disappears and your mind is yours no longer.

There is no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no hope, no fear, nothing, total emptiness envelopes you and all you can do is force the pills down and wait, another thing that's weird is that time becomes non existent. Hours are minutes ,minutes hours so even waiting is impossible.

Then one day things start to get better, when you taste again for the first time it's an amazing feeling, though as things fall into place a really "depressing" thing happens, you have to deal with the time you've lost, the relationships you've strained the bills you haven't paid, the job you didn't turn up for the exam you couldn't sit and the list goes on, sometimes recovery is as hard as the episode itself. And when you truly are better the fear is always there, when is it going to strike again, it can come out of the blue, not every depressive episode has a trigger.

Most suicides occur after an episode of depression not during, the idea of living like that again is terrifying.

I hope I haven't rambled on too much, if you are interested there is a great book called "The noonday demon" (can't remember who it's by), it's well worth the read even if you don't suffer from clinical depression.

Please don't think that I am trivializing feelings and strong emotion, that is not my intention. but spraining an ankle and breaking a leg are totally different.

Lada
 
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